Reading Time: 7 min
“Floods will rob us of one thing, fire of another. These are conditions of our existence which we cannot change. What we can do is adopt a noble spirit, such a spirit as befits a good man, so that we may bear up bravely under all that fortune sends us and bring our wills into tune with nature’s; reversals, after all, are the means by which nature regulates this visible realm of hers: clear skies follow cloudy; after the calm comes the storm; the winds take turns to blow; day succeeds night; while part of the heavens is in the ascendant, another is sinking. It is by means of opposites that eternity endures.”
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
Contents
Eve of 34th birthday
And just like that, I am on the last day of the age of 33. Unlike most who hate birthdays, I love turning older and excited about what a new year my 34th birthday will bring. I believe wishing to be young is a futile thought and embracing, not just accepting, age is the best thing I can do. I love getting older and probably these are the same thoughts I have on the eve of my 34th birthday. Bring it on.
The year 32nd was a tough one. Loved and lost, broken mind, broken back and months of recovery. Two steps forward and one step backwards. But I lingered on. If 32nd was the year of survival, 33rd was the year of perseverance. When you are down and out, you do not care much, but when your eyes are open and you are ‘awake’, you see how things are and how things were. That is never a happy feeling.
Pursuit of Happiness
Happiness, as I have discussed earlier, is not something worth running after. It is always a side effect of a life well-lived. I just had to find out what I wanted out of my life. I knew I was in the wrong sector so I knew I had to look around for jobs – not a happy feeling again as your dream firms will very easily ghost you. I wanted to improve personally – the writing continued, but I hit the jackpot when I picked up the guitar. What a beautiful decision that was. I admit I struggled a lot as pandemic limited me from getting a teacher and I was lost among the plethora of online resources.
But again, that was never enough.
33 hurdles and one
Then there was that sickness that sent me to the hospital. Spend some days questioning your mortality in an airy gown inside morose-coloured rooms and the perspective shifts. 33 was the year that I finally had clarity. There was absolutely no question as to who I was and what I want. Yes, I may seem self-assured to most people, but there was always a sliver of doubt hidden in that façade of confidence. The clarity brought a level of single-mindedness that led me to discipline, something which was seriously lacking for the past few years. I came out of the hospital a different man.
The first thing was the guitar. The Goa version of O Sanam by Lucky Ali was running through my head; I came back from the hospital and did nothing for the next two days but practise that song till I could play it. See below. That was hurdle one.
The next hurdle was the job. They say that when you want something, things start happening and that is what happened. I got responses – when earlier I was being ghosted by recruiters, here I was being actively pursued. Then completely randomly, over discussion over beer and fish, I had a brand-new offer. Just like that.
Welcome the change
The switch in the job could not have been at a ‘worse’ time. I was back into healthcare core after years and I was on the ground again working through the pandemic. It was tiring and exhausting, but I loved every moment of it – I knew, I am where I wanted to be.
Even with 12-16 hours of work, I managed to play the guitar. Persistence is all it takes. Every day, irrespective of the city I am in, I will play the guitar for at least 15 minutes. 6 months later, the progress on the same song is below. I love playing the guitar and I feel bliss as I hum along strumming this beautiful musical instrument.
A life worth sharing
But among all of this was the renewed base of friendships – old and new – who not only support and encourage but celebrate all small little victories. And somewhere among those small celebrations, one of those friendships aspired to become something more and I could not be more grateful.
If 32nd was the year of survival and 33rd was the year of perseverance, I wonder what 34th will be. I am eager to find out. I sit here on the eve of my 34th birthday sipping my favourite whiskey and I question how do I feel? I feel happy.
“Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness. “
Zhuangzi
Just some random thoughts on the eve of my 34th birthday. I am tired and sleepy as I write this post and thought I want this post to be as perfect as possible, i would rather have my thoughts out then i ruminate over what I write. Check out my Portfolio or follow me on Instagram for more travel pictures.
