Reading Time: 7 min
Contents
Introduction – Unmet Expectations
Our mind is not only a formidable weapon but also the epicentre of our very being. It has the capacity to shape realities, conquer adversities, and weave dreams into existence. Yet, our own minds can be our worst enemies when it comes to our mental health and well-being. Just last week, a conversation with someone I have mentored from medicine to the world of management mentioned his disappointment of not getting into consulting, despite joining a Fortune 50 company which might, if given a chance, can have an equally, if not more, rewarding career.
Let me simplify, he was invited to join a fortune 50 company, yet he was disappointed. Crazy, right? Welcome to the world of unmet expectations.
Life, in all its unpredictability, presents us with a series of events, some that align with our expectations and some that diverge wildly. While forming expectations is quite natural and often important for goal setting, we cannot forget that the world does not allow us our preferred outcomes. I can relate to my friend as I faced similar challenges when I moved to the management side of healthcare. I spent a considerable amount of time feeling dissatisfaction and frustration ultimately questioning my decisions and sanity. I was planning my career to take a certain direction and I was being weighed down by my own expectations.
Reality falls
As most adults, I just buried these feelings somewhere deep, thinking I can power through, but reality hit me with the truth like a sledgehammer to my face. I entered this world with such preconceived notions, which instead of being flexible had shaped into rigid frameworks guiding my interpretations in all possible scenarios. My idea of a perfect job, perfect career and a perfect life became silent assumptions which essentially filtered through the prism of preconceived insecurity. Confirmation bias further exacerbated this cycle; my mind constantly sought evidence to affirm these beliefs, disregarding contradictions.
Now the cherry on top is what I will call idealization. It is not only that I created these scenarios, but my mind often painted rosy images of events, jobs, relationships, only to be violently back to reality when then proved to imperfect. I remember how so many people pursued consulting for the fear of missing out yet left it in a few months or people pursuing romantic partnerships yet leaving the moment the partner showed human flaws. I had this thought – “If I achieve this goal, then I will be happy” but all it did was move the happiness goal post. I was guilty of idealization as a coping mechanism, but every such escape was temporary, and reality, with its relentless authenticity, always found its way back.
Wisdom rises
The societal narratives around us – from perfect lives on social media to cinematic love stories – push us towards many similar unrealistic expectations. But as stoic philosopher Epictetus stated –
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.”
The Enchiridion of Epictetus
The above statement is a reminder that the feelings, while natural, are also within our power to manage. By changing how we interpret or think about events, we can change how we feel about them. In other words, our emotional and psychological responses are not directly caused by external events or situations, but rather by our perceptions, interpretations, and beliefs about them.
Navigating disappointment, especially when faced with unmet expectations, calls for a blend of Stoic wisdom and modern understanding. Drawing from the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius in his ‘Meditations’, it’s crucial to view life objectively, seeing unfulfilled desires not as personal failures but mere threads in the vast tapestry of existence. Stoicism teaches us the very art of discernment—distinguishing between elements within our control and those beyond it, urging us to focus on our actions and our attitudes. It’s not about mere acceptance but seeking growth in adversity, using every setback as a steppingstone to resilience and patience. This perspective shifts our focus from what was lost in the potential gains and lessons in the experience. Instead of succumbing to disappointment, we become better equipped to handle future disappointments, as we’ve developed a thicker skin from past experiences. We learn the act of waiting, understanding that not everything happens in our desired time frame, and that’s okay.
Additionally, mindfulness serves as a potent antidote to unmet expectations, urging us to embrace the present moment. Instead of ruminating on past disappointments or future uncertainties, mindfulness anchors us in the ‘now’. This centredness allows us to see current opportunities, reducing the emotional burden of what might have been. By valuing the present, we free ourselves from the shackles of unmet expectations, fostering a space for acceptance and growth. Balancing this ancient wisdom with modern techniques fosters a holistic approach, equipping us to handle the complexities of life with grace and resilience.
Conclusion
In the end, our journey through the maze of expectations is a testament to the intricate dance between hope and reality. While our minds can envision whole universes, it’s essential to ground ourselves in the present and appreciate each twist and turn life offers. As we continue to evolve, grow, and learn, it’s imperative to remember that self-awareness and self-forgiveness are our true north. They guide us through unmet expectations, leading us towards a path of genuine contentment and inner peace. Embrace the lessons, remember: the same mind that sets these expectations is the one capable of reshaping them.
What do you think? Write your thoughts down below, let us have a conversation.
It has been a while since I wrote something for the blog. It has been a while I have written anything. I believe my own expectations of for how much I can write fell short. Nevertheless life has had its highs but creative thoughts has its ebbs.
The above image was clicked in Zermatt, Switzerland. Check out Hope – the last evil where I talk about the danger of clinging on to hope; follow me on Instagram for more travel photographs.
